Comments on Connected Mom: Signs I missed That My Practitioner Would Not Supp...

This evening I come across your blog. Kellymom.com...

2012-02-21T00:08:44.974-06:00

This evening I come across your blog. Kellymom.com had posted your subway snack story on their facebook page. Then I found this story.

It takes a lot of courage to share what you did. I hope you found a place of healing.

I didn't have the chance to read all the comme...

2011-04-01T08:22:06.363-05:00

I didn't have the chance to read all the comments, but I wanted to say something. First, Julian, thank you for sharing these things about your experience.

Also, patients should always be wary of a doctor that won't directly answer your questions. If they won't tell you the truth, or that they don't know, then you don't need them as a doctor. The more knowledgeable that patients become the better our experiences should be, but sadly that isn't the case.

um... one thing - epidural has risks, but it is no...

2011-03-30T20:13:39.273-05:00

um... one thing - epidural has risks, but it is not likely to interfere with how alert the baby is. Because my first two births knew I was trying to avoid it, I didn't have it for the first, and the second, I didn't have it right away. They instead tried an alternative pain medication, which made me feel loopy, and most definitely sedated my baby. My third was more informed, and I made it clear that I wanted the epidural, but not until right before the pushing stage, when my anxiety would override any ability to calm myself into not needing medication. It worked wonderfully, and I was perfectly alert for the birth of my daughter, and she was alert, as well.

I did not read all the comments, so maybe this was...

2011-02-23T15:58:02.961-06:00

I did not read all the comments, so maybe this was already posted. If so, I'm sorry. The first thought to come to mind after reading your story (besides that you are SO right) is that maybe you would benefit from some professional help to deal with your feelings surrounding the birth of your baby. I'm NOT saying that because I think you are weak or anything like that! But because if you still can't talk about your birth experience a year later, maybe it affected you more than you think - PTSD, maybe? Anywho. Just a stranger's 2 cents worth. I wish you all the happiness in the world with any future pregnancies!!!

Thank you everyone. I am still amazed every day at...

2011-01-18T13:28:19.185-06:00

Thank you everyone. I am still amazed every day at the response this post has recieved, and the comments that are still rolling in months later.

the huge mushy cloud of love that surrounds me when I read all of these comments is a healing experience in itself, and I can't help but feel solidarity with those who have experienced similar births, and those that work to change the systems that causes them.

THANK YOU!

I don't know if you had a cesarean, but if you...

2010-12-05T23:21:58.304-06:00

I don't know if you had a cesarean, but if you did I've heard that ICAN is good support network for dealing with the trauma and empowering you.

I went into my birthing experience knowing there w...

2010-10-11T21:14:12.304-05:00

I went into my birthing experience knowing there was more... I did everything I could to educate myself so that I could make decisions based on what was best instead of following the leader. I never expected to be the minority! I've gotten judgment for wanting to go naturally, for switching midwives and hospitals in the third trimester, for making a birth plan, for nursing my son for as long as I have, etc.

I'm so grateful that I went to a Bradley Birth class and asked questions. I don't even want to ponder how my birth experience would have gone if I hadn't had that support. Before I took the class I had a general idea of what I wanted, but after the class I was aware of how many things I could affect for my vulnerable little boy and myself for years to come. (And I was flabbergasted to watch people around me believe everything they were told without researching it themselves, following the crowd like robots! Even my best friend tried to convince me I was making a huge mistake by opting out of the epidural--only because her doctor told her it was safe.) I believe in people's right to choose. But choose a direction YOU decide on, not 40 others in front of you.

My experience wasn't what I had planned, but I knew it wouldn't be. I'm still surprised about the amount of emotion that surfaces thinking about it, and my son turns 2 on Sunday. I'm still praying that my next birth experience is not as shocking as the first, because I still believe there's more...

Julian, I want to commend you, not only for sharing your story, but also for standing your ground with those thoughtless enough to criticize your healing process. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this experience, but I do think you are doing a wonderful thing in talking about it--both for your recovery and for others who have experienced the same thing. You're also helping save many from the torture you went through. Thank you.

If there are any of you who plan on experiencing a birth in the future I encourage you to take a class, ask questions, research, and decide for yourselves. YOU are the only one--not even your husband can decide for you--who can make decisions that can impact both your life and your child's life for a long time. And if things don't go as you planned, remember that you did all you could with what you had at the time and forgive yourself your limitations.

So sorry that your birth experience didn't mee...

2010-09-20T22:39:27.638-05:00

So sorry that your birth experience didn't meet your expectations! I think it is completely reasonable to "grieve through that process.

I bet your next birth will be wonderful, peaceful, powerful...now that you are armed with knowledge and confidence.

Thank you for sharing this!

stephanie@metropolitanmama.net

I just wanted to jump in with an e-hug for you. I ...

2010-09-13T22:57:31.245-05:00

I just wanted to jump in with an e-hug for you. I hope that you, in time, are able to heal and process what happened to you.

You posting this will help other expectant moms evaluate their birthing options.

Also, to Anon at 9/8 at 10:10, you are a turd.

I began my prenatal check-ups with an OB/GYN group...

2010-09-13T19:43:06.906-05:00

I began my prenatal check-ups with an OB/GYN group of about 8 physicians. They wanted nothing to do with my plans for a natural birth. I saw this and quickly researched to find the best (no lie) group of midwives in the world. I successfully birthed my almost 10-pound son (my first) naturally. Throughout the event of pushing for only 30 minutes, my son's oxygen level was dropping quickly. His tiny fist had a firm grip on his cord and his fist was lodged between his head and the wall of my birth canal. So, in addition to the humungous head coming through, there was his fist as well. He was clamping down on his cord. He was "sunny side up". They told me I had a few minutes to push him out. As a result and after serious consideration that I was about to die, I did it. Afterwards, I had 7 suture kits to complete about 45 minutes of internal reconstruction. I was so angry about this part of my labor and delivery until time had passed. Two years and one subsequent miscarriage later, I finally realize that my son and I are fortunate that he did not suffer a dislocated shoulder or brain damage from low oxygen levels. LADIES, PLEASE REMEMBER...we sign ourselves up to mother! If your babies make it out of your blessed wombs healthy, that is TRULY all that matters. I would give anything to thank the Lord for my son...even a million more suture kits in the netheregions! If you have suffered battle wounds on the field of labor and still have a babe to rock to sleep, THANK THE LORD. Don't get to caught up in being the superhero. You already are one. Love ya all!

I agree that posting is part of the healing proces...

2010-09-13T17:20:38.583-05:00

I agree that posting is part of the healing process. Slowly but surely it will happen! I am still healing after 15 months... not from a horrible birth but with problems breast feeding. I told everyone I wanted to breastfeed my daughter for at least a year. I had chronic low supply and was never able to exclusively breast feed. Our breastfeeding relationship ended at 8 months much to my dismay. I blame myself and used to spend hours researching low supply and trying to figure out what was wrong with me. My doctors were of no support (which has made me look for alternative options ie a midwife for my next child) and the lactation consultants didn't give one crap about my problems. They were too interested in helping the moms with easier problems. I'm praying that with my next child things will be different and I will be able to redeem myself! I'll be praying for complete healing for you. I know what it's like to not be able to be completely myself and try to give my all to my child when I don't even have it all. Best wishes!

your story could be my own. the little boy the rip...

2010-09-13T14:31:00.986-05:00

your story could be my own. the little boy the ripped from me by a doctor i trusted is now 3.5 and his little brother is 1.5. i knew the right things to say/do/advocate for myself the second time around. my vbac didn't fix what had happened the first time, but it did heal me in ways that i can't completely describe. I hope and pray you reach the same peace.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. You real...

2010-09-13T12:03:09.683-05:00

Thank you so much for sharing your story. You really don't realize by you posting...you are healing. It is so true that we just don't know what to do and we trust our doctors to tell us. It is only when we get a doctor that can not think outside of his/her box that we have problems. This was me and it took 4 chldren to finally find a group called Birth Matters of Virginia. I went to free educational meetings that taught me what I needed to be armed with before I went into labor. It was because of them I had a painless,joyful, pleasant labor of my 4th and final child. I try to tell all of moms that have had a bad experience..just look at it as a learning experience, next time make it better!

I linked to this post, hope that's ok! www.mi...

2010-09-13T11:16:31.972-05:00

I linked to this post, hope that's ok!

www.minnesotajo.com and the post is dated today. Can't link to it though as it must be disabled? Thanks!

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have ...

2010-09-11T23:56:57.808-05:00

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have heard so many such stories from women I know personally. I think doctors and hospitals who don't turn birth into a freak show are few. I love birth as I have had 1 at a birth center and 2 homebirths. I know how awesome, sacred, intimate, powerful, and profound birth is. I am a natural un-interfered with homebirth activist as a result.

I witnessed a hospital birth last month for the first time when my best friend had her first baby. I was her labor support and did stand up for her to the doctors and nurses and sometimes made them very aggravated and upset with me. Despite my best efforts to protect my friend, they still essentially did whatever they wanted to her. It was very traumatic for me to watch them do so many horrendous things to her. Her labor and birth and postpartum experience was a nightmare. She was induced at 37 weeks for supposed pre-eclampsia, even though she was not in imminent danger. She was hooked up to numerous tubes and machines, confined to bed, constantly bothered by staff so exhaustion due to lack of sleep soon set in, given stadol which caused an hour long terrifying bad acid like trip, had the extreme pitocin contractions with no break at all in between, epidural, birthed on back in stirrups, baby vacumed out, severe tearing and hemorroids, separated from baby for 15 hours due to low blood sugar due to her not being allowed to eat all day, refused to allow her to nurse prior to separation, etc. The only thing she did escape was the c-section. All this happened despite my unofficial doula efforts. I managed to tick the doctors and nurses off at times, yet they still did what they wanted.

I have another friend who did successfully insist upon a natural hospital birth, but the staff was furious with her, so she had to battle them throughout. One nurse even jabbed a rubella vaccine into her arm while she was insisting she was NOT going to be vaccinated!!! Another friend truly thought they were trying to kill her during her birth.

I just don't see us changing the hospital environment any time soon. I think except in a true emergency, pregnant women should stay away from OBs and hospitals! You couldn't pay me to voluntarily enter their torture chambers. If my or my baby's life was at stake, I would endure the hospital, and I am thankful we have hospitals who do save lives. But, for anything but a dire emergency, I'm staying home, and I hope many more women realize their bodies are perfectly designed to birth and choose to stay home as well.

I don't know you, but I want to give you a big...

2010-09-11T20:58:08.221-05:00

I don't know you, but I want to give you a big hug right about now.

I thought I was strong enough to stand up for myself, too, but the funny thing about authority figures is that they have "authority" (or so we think). I'm just grateful I didn't end up with a c-section, though I was on the road to getting one.

I hope that you find the healing you need and deserve.

The only way that we will be confident in our choi...

2010-09-11T02:37:50.235-05:00

The only way that we will be confident in our choices is to to allow open speech about this subject. Too often we feel that the professionals know everything and we dont take enough responsibility educating ourselves. Also, it could be that the information is not easily available.
Thank you for sharing this, when we tell our stories, we help others to do the same and when millions of women speak loudly, we create a roar that no one will be able to ignore.

I had a traumatic c-section birth. Your article s...

2010-09-11T00:25:06.606-05:00

I had a traumatic c-section birth. Your article started by saying your birth experience was 11 months and 2 weeks ago, and it took me right back to mine. I had an incredibly tough time on my son's first birthday- it hit me like a ton of bricks in a way I wasn't expecting. I managed to "fake it" for part of the day, but eventually I just went to bed and cried. I felt terrible- here was the 1st birthday of my baby boy, and I was a mess. I just wanted you to know it might be that way for you too, and that's ok!
I have since gone on to have a beautiful HBAC, after getting some marvelous therapy for PTSD from an amazing therapist. It was incredibly healing for me, and I wish the same for you as you continue your journey!

WOW. This is SUCH an IMPORTANT read. SOOO import...

2010-09-10T23:56:29.801-05:00

WOW. This is SUCH an IMPORTANT read. SOOO important for any I-want-a-natural-birth Mom.
Thank you Thank you!
I can really connect with you because I had my first birth in a hospital (by a not so natural birth friendly doctor) and my second and third birth at home with a superb, awesome midwife. I totally missed all those signs with my first birth but figured out more of what I wanted in my second and third birth. Hopefully that is encouraging. You can do it!!!
I caught this link off my midwife's facebook.
I will DEFINITELY pass it on. It is so enlightening.

THANK YOU THANK YOU for taking the time to write this and feeling the courage to post it!!!!!

-CK

Thank you for sharing these insights! I am a mom ...

2010-09-10T22:31:58.998-05:00

Thank you for sharing these insights! I am a mom and a new doula who had a lot of the same intentions for the birth of my son, who asked a lot of the same questions of my physician, and who wound up with the same types of answers. Needless to say, my birth didn't go the way I had hoped at all, and I still struggle with guilt over how I handled everything and grief over the loss of a birth experience that felt like it was mine.
I would like to share this post on my fb doula page, if you don't mind. I think it'll really help a lot of moms figure out if they've got the practitioner they need.

I thought I had it all planned out too! I had the ...

2010-09-10T18:44:44.378-05:00

I thought I had it all planned out too! I had the midwife, the tub, the home birth was going well, until she got stuck, which now looking back I could have gotten her through with the Gaskin manoeuvre.. but I digress. My husband told me later, when I told him I was going to home birth baby number 2 (who hasn't even been conceived yet) that the doctors know more about birth than me. So no, you can't rely on your spouse, or what have you to be your support, they get bullied just as much as you do when the ob says 'your baby will DIE if we don't intervene!!!!!111!elventyone!'

Beautiful, thoughtful post! Thank you

2010-09-10T15:00:54.836-05:00

Beautiful, thoughtful post! Thank you

I just want to say that I am very sorry to everyon...

2010-09-10T10:53:20.820-05:00

I just want to say that I am very sorry to everyone who commented that I did not respond to individually. I have gotten behind and with my little guy finding his legs and toddling about the house I am a little strapped for time.

But THANK YOU for sharing your stories. I DO read every one of them, and so do many other women who may be struggling with their own stories.

Please check out today's post by Jenn about the Stronger Together Online Quilt. share your art and images about birth trauma, disappointment, and PPD and help us create something beautiful!

Anon-7:24- I do not believe that I said women CO...

2010-09-10T10:46:48.173-05:00

Anon-7:24-

I do not believe that I said women COULD NOT beastfeed if they get an epidural. but to say that an epidural doesn't effect or interfere with breastfeeding is wrong.

The side effects for mom including shaking, vomiting, and swelling ALL effect her ability to hold and nurse her baby immediately following birth. (The best time to initiate breastfeeding)

The side effects to baby, including raised body temperature and drowsiness can effect a baby's interest and ability in finding and latching on to his mother's breast.

Are their plenty of women who opt for or have an epidural who go on to breastfeed their babies? Of course their are, I am one of them.

But it's hard enough to successfully initiate breastfeeding in a hospital setting, so I wanted to avoid the epidural to give myself a better chance.

I am glad that I did know the side effects and didn't believe people like you. It allowed me to work through and breastfeed even after all of the above side effects prevented us from successfully latching and feeding for nearly 12 hours. Without that knowledge I may have just assumed that my baby 'couldn't latch' instead of realizing that the hole body swelling due to the epidural made my nipples too flat and my breasts too hard for feeding.

when I couldn't keep him skin to skin on my chest because of the shaking and vomiting he was unable to regulate his own temperature and they whisked him away to NICU. Luckily I knew that this may happened and my husband and I had already decided that he would go with Oliver in case that happened. It's a good thing he was there to tell the nurses NOT to stick an artificial nipple in his mouth.

Had I just believed my OBGYN that epidurals DO NOT effect breastfeeding I likely would have fallen pray to any number of booby traps because I wouldn't have had the knowledge to fight back with.

I absolutely respect everyone's decision of how they choose to birth their children. If you read the post again you may realize that the POINT of this post was to tell my story about how my doctor DIDN'T respect my choices. And encouraging women to arm themselves with fact based information that may help them when the time comes.

Epidurals DO NOT interfere with breastfeeding! I ...

2010-09-10T09:24:49.710-05:00

Epidurals DO NOT interfere with breastfeeding! I support everyone's decision in how they choose to birth their children, but please do not scare women into thinking they cannot breastfeed if they have an epidural. That is NOT encouraging.